A Lesson About Self-Compassion
Have you ever felt like you're not enough? Here's what to do when we're not feeling at our 100%.
Hola familia!
Happy Hispanic/Latine Heritage Month. I’m officially back from my vacaciones en Bulgaria, and it was certainly a nice reset before the next month of adventures. I’m working on some exciting projects + events to help more Latinas grow impactful businesses and I cannot wait to share them with you all.
This time of year has not been incredible for my mental health in previous years because I’ve always felt like I’m not doing enough. Can any of you relate?
This is why this week I’m putting the spotlight on one of my Jefa in Training Circle (applications closing soon) members, Alejandra Porta, a self-compassion advocate, to share her story with us.
Real talk: When was the last time you checked in with yourself?
Have you ever felt like you’re not enough? Not thin enough, pretty enough, desirable enough, fit enough? My guess is you have, and I’m here to tell you: You are enough.
This is how Alejandra starts talking about her story.
“Society doesn’t want us to feel like we are enough. Many businesses don’t want us to feel like we are enough. After all, it’s a lot harder to sell products to women when we already feel whole, worthy, beautiful.”
But you are all these things and more. And it is her calling to help you believe it.
A: How did you begin your journey of self-compassion and self-confidence, and what made you want to guide other women on their journeys?
AP: It was through my personal story. I was the classic yoyo dieting person, tried every new diet, new exercise, was extremely disciplined and reached my goal weight but never felt enough. Because I was focusing on changing my outer self versus working inward. It was until I put myself in an eating disorder center back in 2019 that my life took 180 degrees. It was the first time I heard about self-forgiveness and self-compassion and I wanted more women to have access to these tools I learned, so my purpose became clear.
A: What are some of the main challenges the women you work with face?
AP: We live in a society that sells so much for us feeling unworthy. With the rise of social media, it is human to constantly be comparing ourselves. 80% of women have lower self-worth or self-esteem, and we are the first ones to criticize ourselves.
A: What are some of the modalities, tools or practices you use to help women through these obstacles?
AP: Self-compassion was life changing for me. My biggest tip is to start by asking yourself this question: If this situation were to happen to a friend what would you say to them? We sometimes realize that we are the hardest on ourselves.
A: Can you tell the readers of La Hoja a little more about your journal and affirmation cards?
AP: Of course, I have a journal named “A little time for you” or in Spanish “Un Ratito Para Vos” which was based on the routine we would do at the center that I kept doing myself. Within these pages, you’ll cultivate gratitude, celebrate your achievements, and learn to transform your harmful thoughts.
The affirmations deck “ A hug for you” or “Un Abrazo Para Vos”, which are a dose of kindness for your day. Our inner dialogue is not always kind, but we don’t have to believe it. In moments when you need it most, these cards are like a warm hug from a loving friend. Affirmations helped me heal my relationship with the mirror, I started reading one to myself out loud looking myself in the mirror and slowly I started having convos like I was my best friend.
And my coloring book with the same name, another way of telling yourself kind messages while painting, is really like art therapy.
A: I know that you have programs in Spanish, what is the foundation of these programs and why did you decide to create them in Spanish?
AP: My Instagram account used to be bi-lingual, and last year I did a challenge “12 days for you” where each day I would send you an audio exercise to cultivate the habit of being kinder to yourself. Well 200 people signed up in the Spanish version and like 20 in the English one. That’s when it clicked that my audience was more in Spanish. With the rise of reels and stories it also became trickier to have everything bilingual. (*Editor’s note: There is a huge lack of content like this in Spanish and this is tbh HUGE in terms of who will be able to access this that really need to hear these messages.)
My program “A hug for you” is an 8 week confidence building program. Where we unlearn some of the messages we grew up with, learn about boundaries, self-compassion and self-forgiveness. We have weekly challenges to expose ourselves to our fears.
A: How can readers of La Hoja start their own journey if they are not yet ready to invest in a guide? Are there a few tips or daily practices you can recommend?
AP: Of course, I would start with saying “Good Morning I respect” you in front of the mirror. Or reading yourself some words of kindness, is incredible to see what 5 intentional minutes in front of the mirror can do to improve your confidence and well-being.
Also practicing gratitude with your body, next time you apply lotion, start thanking every piece of your body, your legs for helping you walk, your hips for giving you balance, your stomach for helping you digest, your arms for helping you hug, mouth to speak, eyes to see, etc. When I started introducing this practice of gratitude, I was so much kinder to my body.
“Self-love should be unconditional.”
To learn more about Alejandra and her work, follow her here.
Want to surround yourself with jefas like Alejandra?
Consider joining us in The Jefa in Training Circle.
Clarity. Strategy. Community.
If you've ever wanted to be surrounded by a community of like-minded changemakers to help you take your business to the next level - now's your chance to grow through a combination of monthly 1 on 1 time with your new business strategist, workshops, masterminds, and more - all alongside a group of diverse creative entrepreneurs and small business founders.
Until next time,
xx